Been so long…………

Wow, I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve posted anything. I had a little accident in a while back and sprained my ankle and my shoulder………..on opposite sides of course. Some nut job knocked me over while I was walking in the park. Oh the things that happen to me. I had my arm in a sling so, obviously, I’ve been unable to type. I’m not totally healed yet but I’m free of the sling and I must say, it’s good to be back!

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The Long Walk Home

Due to the storm yesterday, and metrorail’s inability to cope with anything. I had to walk part of my commute home. Yes, you read that right. I had to walk. I left work at 4pm only to have to wait inside the metro station for almost half an hour for my train to come. Okay, that’s not that bad. Then, they start making announcements that they are turning back trains at one of the stations (East Falls Church) en route to my house. Again, not so bad. They’re providing shuttle service to the next station (West Falls Church). HA! That’s what they want you to think. I get to this station and exit. There are droves of people outside and no where near enough buses to fit them all. This is going to be bad. I’m not aggressive enough to get a seat on the “shuttle” so I don’t even bother. I’m not doing all that pushing and shoving for a spot on an overly crowded metro bus. It ain’t gonna happen. Instead I turn around to hear what the metro cop is saying. Oh, well, that’s just lovely. He’s saying that we’re more than welcome to walk to the next metro station and it shouldn’t take that long. I see. Since people have started walking and there really doesn’t appear to be any alternative, I praise God for my semi-comfy shoes and start hoofing it. At first, it’s not that bad, everyone is talking to each other and making a few jokes. There’s a slight incident where no one seems to be sure where they should be going and the group splits off into two (still huge) groups. My group takes a mad dash across the highway……….and then another mad dash to get across the street. Oh, the good times are really rolling now. Shortly after that, we find ourselves on a walking trail. Okay. That isn’t so bad. Only we’re on the trail forever. And we’re in the way of the regular walkers and they’re stopping to gawk. Some of them are stopping to take pictures. Idiots. It got even better once we were off the trail and traipsing through the residential neighborhoods. People were lined up on their porches waving and holding signs that said “metro this way.” LOL It was almost like being in a parade. After we made it past our fans we were pretty much at the metro and that’s when it started to pour. We made it just in time. Oh, well. Another day, another adventure in the life of Miss Etiquette.

The Great Usher Scandal of ‘08

Alright, y’all, I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this but I’m an Usher. That’s right, an honest to goodness Baptist church Usher. You know, white gloves, uniform, the whole nine yards. Anyway, I’ve only ushered once but already I’ve created a scandal. Last weekend I was informed by some well-meaning ladies that I create a bit of a distraction for the men and boys when the ushers process up to the offering table. Umm…..what?? Apparently, instead of listening to the choir, praying, or doing anything else holy; they are watching my butt. Great, fantastic, that’s just what I need. And if that’s not bad enough, according to them, when I come back around they’re watching my chest. I “get them coming and going.” Oh, Jesus. I mean, I really don’t know what can be done about that. I don’t dress provocatively, I wear all the appropriate underpinnings, I wear my hair pinned up so it’s not “sexy”, and I try to be as discreet as possible. My only other option is not going up to the offering table to pay my tithes. And that really is just going a bit too far. So now the president of the Usher’s Ministry is going to speak with the Pastor of the church about getting the men under control because she was ticked when I told her about the situation. She could not believe it. How does she think I feel? She said that I was still welcome to usher and that she felt the problem was the men not me or anything I was doing. I agree but I still just can’t believe this. I’m the “sexy” usher. Oy vey. The things that happen to me.

Close Encounters of the Crackhead Kind

Last weekend, after attending a gospel concert in SE Washington, DC (an area of town I have never before even been near), I had a close encounter with a crackhead. Yes, a crackhead. I’m talking skinny, shaking, toothless, shifty acting, strange things going on with his skin, the whole nine yards. He had a cup and was going up to cars at the red light asking for money! Yeah, right! In your dreams Mr. Crackhead! Like I’m giving you money so you can go get even higher. I don’t think so.  When this fool came up to our car, we stared straight ahead. I was in shock! In case I didn’t already know SE was a bad part of town, this drove the point home. I have never been so glad to see a light turn green in my life.  Of course, people had jokes. Everyone just thought it was hilarious that I’d never seen a real life crackhead. Whatever. I could have lived without it. In the words of Whitney Houston, “crack is wack.” Just say no kids, just say no.

Life on the Streets

Attention all DC blue collar and/or unemployed men:I am not interested in you. I am not amused by your low-class ways. I do not find your smelly, filthy body and equally questionable vocabulary sexy. I do not appreciate you hollering at me from across the street nor do I appreciate you opening your toothless mouth to yell obscenities or spit when I do not reciprocate your interest. You are ignorant, uncouth, dirty, unemployed or underemployed and I am not interested. Please do not follow me into Eat at National Place. If there are no police officers around, I will mace you. Please do not  attempt to grab my butt or any other part of my anatomy while riding the escalator. I will push you down it. I am not a snob or an “uppity bitch.” I am a decent human being and you are not. This is a personal failing of yours so don’t take it out on me. I’m not interested in being the one to upgrade you. Go home, bathe, and make some attempt to better yourself. I assure you, your time would be far better spent doing that rather than hollering at me.  

Sincerely,

Miss E.

Hey Y’all!

Welcome to my little world. I’m Miss Etiquette, otherwise known as………well, we won’t worry about that. I hope you enjoy getting to know me. Along the way, I’ll be blogging about my life, etiquette (obviously), and anything else that tickles my fancy.