Alright, y’all, I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this but I’m an Usher. That’s right, an honest to goodness Baptist church Usher. You know, white gloves, uniform, the whole nine yards. Anyway, I’ve only ushered once but already I’ve created a scandal. Last weekend I was informed by some well-meaning ladies that I create a bit of a distraction for the men and boys when the ushers process up to the offering table. Umm…..what?? Apparently, instead of listening to the choir, praying, or doing anything else holy; they are watching my butt. Great, fantastic, that’s just what I need. And if that’s not bad enough, according to them, when I come back around they’re watching my chest. I “get them coming and going.” Oh, Jesus. I mean, I really don’t know what can be done about that. I don’t dress provocatively, I wear all the appropriate underpinnings, I wear my hair pinned up so it’s not “sexy”, and I try to be as discreet as possible. My only other option is not going up to the offering table to pay my tithes. And that really is just going a bit too far. So now the president of the Usher’s Ministry is going to speak with the Pastor of the church about getting the men under control because she was ticked when I told her about the situation. She could not believe it. How does she think I feel? She said that I was still welcome to usher and that she felt the problem was the men not me or anything I was doing. I agree but I still just can’t believe this. I’m the “sexy” usher. Oy vey. The things that happen to me.
what church do you go to and can i get directions?
LOL I see you’ve got jokes.
well yeah i do. i thought you could tell that from my witty banter on my blog.
Too funny! Are these single guys? I mean it can’t be ALL bad since you are reasonably attractive enough that they are checking you out.
I wish. Most of them are married old dudes and teenage boys. There are a handful of single guys around my age though so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
seriously!? why would they even tell you that? that’s ridiculous. i would have said, oh cool. i’ll start wearing shirts and pants with my phone number on them.